


The Star Trek Affair

by miwahni



Category: Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-22
Updated: 2010-10-22
Packaged: 2017-10-12 19:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miwahni/pseuds/miwahni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Napoleon and Illya settle back to watch some tv.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Star Trek Affair

"Space, the final frontier…" The music reached a crescendo as images of the Starship Enterprise whizzed across the TV screen.

Illya squirmed back against Napoleon until he was comfortable on the couch. He leaned his shoulders on Napoleon's chest, his backside wedged between Napoleon's thighs as they sat lengthwise along the couch. Napoleon's arms encircled Illya's waist and he rested his chin on Illya's shoulder.

"Amok - I don't know that word?" Illya asked as the episode title was displayed on screen.

"It means to go crazy, out of control." Napoleon supplied helpfully. "Like you, in bed."

Illya rolled his eyes. "In your dreams." He lay back contentedly in Napoleon's embrace.

A bit later…

"Have you ever noticed the resemblance between Captain Kirk and Mike Donfield?"

"Now that you mention it…no."

"Surely you must have noticed. You have an eye for the beautiful."

Napoleon sat up straight, frowning. "You think Mike Donfield is beautiful?"

Illya grinned and placed a quick kiss on his lover's lips. "Not as beautiful as you, caro mio."

Mollified, Napoleon relaxed once more & returned to watching the program.

The screen cut to a shot of the bridge, Helmsman Sulu & Navigator Chekov at their stations facing the main viewscreen.

"That would have to be the world's worst fake hair."

"Not to mention the vorld's vorst fake Russian accent."

Next Kirk confronted Spock in the Vulcan's quarters. Spock explained, haltingly, about Vulcan biology, and his need to return to Vulcan and mate.

"Infuriating man. He doesn't need T'Pring - can't he see who's right under his nose?"

"Who - Nurse Chapel?"

Illya let out an exasperated snort. "No, not her. Kirk. Always there, waiting for Spock to make the next move. Kirk would bend over backwards - well, forwards maybe - to make Spock happy. But the Vulcan is too stubborn, and repressed, to admit his love for his Captain."

"What are you raving about?" Napoleon asked incredulously. "Kirk isn't in love with Spock! He's the quintessential ladies' man."

"A comment which could be made in regards to yourself.' Illya observed. "Nevertheless, one has only to watch the episodes closely to see the truth of it. Always, Kirk and Spock look out for each other; always they support and cherish each other. Mind you, I haven't quite worked out where Bones fits in…"

"Maybe he takes the photographs." Napoleon joked, finally getting into the spirit of the thing. "Or - maybe they get together in a threesome."

Illya turned to face him. "You could be right," he said seriously. "Although I lean towards the idea of McCoy and Scott, myself." Napoleon just shook his head.

On the sands of Vulcan, Spock greeted the matriarch of his clan.

"Can you do that?" Napoleon mimicked the gesture made by the High Priestess T'Pau - hand held out, middle and ring fingers splayed to form a V. Illya copied the gesture with his right hand.

"Not quite," Napoleon observed, "your fingers aren't straight."

"Oh. I speak Vulcan with an accent. But look," Illya continued, holding his left hand out in the same position, "I'm bi-lingual."

Napoleon laughed aloud, and hugged Illya to him. "And you wonder why I love you so much." He dropped a hand to the front of Illya's jeans and gently squeezed the pliant flesh beneath. "Here's another language my hands speak. Care to translate that for me?"

Illya batted his hand away impatiently. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" Napoleon was the picture of innocence.

"You're trying to distract me. Napoleon, this is the only television show I like to watch, and I would appreciate the opportunity to do so unmolested."

"Oh all right, all right. Touchy little…ouch!"

Back on board the Enterprise, in Sickbay, Spock learns that he has not, after all, killed his Captain.

"See that? Spock smiled! And why did he smile?" Illya turned to face Napoleon. "Because he realised Jim is still alive. He hugged him! Well, almost a hug. And next they go off to Spock's cabin together and make love. That's what Kirk means when he says 'Let's go mind the store', but they can't show that on TV. So now what do you say about my theory?"

"Illya Kuryakin, you are one sick puppy."

"You think so?" Illya's lips quirked upwards in a smile. "Then tomorrow night we will watch Gilligan's Island."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to my fic journal miwahnific in September 2004, to celebrate the 40th anniversary of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.


End file.
